This Time Around...

This time around I am more aware of what to expect. The first time I thought I had prepared myself as best I could but I knew that the whole experience would be something that I could never fully prepare for.

This time I've been through it before and have more idea of what is going to happen. I think I am more nervous this time around. Every twinge I feel I keep wondering if this is the beginning of it all.

Needless to say, I am a bit scared. I question my ability to do it all again. I hope every mother has that thought at some point in time.

I question my ability to deal with labor pains. I went without pain meds the first time and hope to do it again. However, when I start to think too hard about it I doubt if I can make it. I wonder how I did it. I haven't thought about it since Genevieve's birth but lately I seem to be able to remember those labor pains like it was just an hour ago.

I question if I can endure the pains of nursing another baby. Nursing Genevieve was not a good experience for me. She loved it which was the only reason I was able to push through. It was very difficult for me and I knew felt like I really enjoyed it. I want baby number two to receive the same benefits of receiving breast milk. I hope to nurse baby number two for six months just like Genevieve. I do feel a lot less pressure this time around though, so hopefully that will help. Many of my friends say that it is much easier to nurse the second time around.

I question how I will be able to not sleep at night then be up all day with both children by myself. With Genevieve, if she had been up all night I was able to sleep and relax during the day once she was settled down. This time around I will have to be on my game during the day too. Better stock up on coffee now.

I know I talk a lot about my fears and my questioning my ability in all of this, but there are so much I am looking forward to.

I am looking forward to having another little baby around. There's nothing like a new born baby. I look forward to holding her and cuddling her. I look forward to that sweet baby smell. I look forward to the little baby clothes.

I am looking forward to seeing Genevieve take on the role of big sister. I expect it to be difficult for all of us in the beginning though. She's so young that we can't explain to her what is going on and how her world will be forever changed. With two children so close in age, I am so thankful that they are the same gender. I pray they grow up to be the best of friends. I pray they have a special bond that they will carry with them the rest of their lives.

I am looking forward to the middle of the night feedings. Crazy I know. I know with having two young ones that the middle of the night may be my only alone bonding time with baby number two.